I recently turned 19, and it made me really think about my life. It's a bit cringe-worthy.
I made a bit of a fuss over my birthday. I didn't want to turn 19, I dreaded it with no real reason in mind. I realize why now.
I dreaded becoming older because I was stuck, and had been for a long time. I was stuck in the same thought patterns I had been in, and I was acting the way I always had. I felt that the world was moving along at a quick pace, and I was stuck in the same position I had always been in. I feared it would always be that way.
I lost sight of who I wanted to be, and the things I wanted to do. I let myself fall into a pattern of always bending into whatever shape the people around me thought I needed to be in. Always doing the same things, acting the same way. I wasn't allowing myself to be myself. I was allowing the world to go on without me. But no more.
I don't usually make a list of New Year's resolutions, but this year I have. I know what I need to do now. I need to allow myself to be who I am without fear of being considered less than anyone else.
This is my list of the things I'll be doing in the coming year to embrace who I am.
1. Read at least one hundred books. I've fallen out of reading the last couple of years, but with the help of a couple of different challenges I hope to change that.
2. Get my business up and running. It's been a long time coming.
3. Learn to draw well enough to be accepted to, and hopefully receive a large scholarship from, a good art school.
4. Write the first drafts of three or four novels, and complete revisions on at least two of them.
5. Do something writing-related every single day.
6. Exercise often. I hope to begin taking dance lessons this year, and I need to build up my stamina.
7. Learn to read and speak Hebrew. I've been wanting to learn for the last couple of years, but never got much farther than a few basic words.
8. Become as neat and tidy as possible. I am a naturally messy person. I at least need to organize my mess. I'll settle for that.